Well I have found someone (professional) to talk to. I have found a clinic closer to home so maybe the medication will remain regular.
I went to see my new friend to a week ago, and then set up to see him this week. He called and had to reschedule. Nothing like looking for help then get juggled after the first visit. I am still hopeful that this will be good for me. My new friend did tell me that it was brave to take the step to look for help. Many people in my position don't from what I understand. I don't know if it is strong or brave or whatever, I only know I want to be better and this is my last resort. If Dr. Friend can't help me find my way I know of one more place to look then I truly do not know what I will do. I have had medication, and tried to find help before but never at the same time. I have yet to find the right combination.
I am in a very bad place and my marriage could suffer from this like no other in the last 10 years. I feel so alone. He promised to protect. However, he is so busy providing for our family that he can't be here to be a part of this family. I never wanted to be a single parent and certainly not a married single parent. I know there are people all over the country who get to be in this position for one reason or another. And I admire every single one of them who can do this. I am not one of them. I need a support system. I wish I had a better one. I wish I had a mother, father, sister, or brother to talk to and share life with. I have let all those relationships slip away. I have all those people in my life I just don't have a relationship with any of them. I recently reached out to all of them and got no response.
So alone in the dark vacuum of space I endlessly fall. No sound. No light. No Help, this week anyway.
