Just Breathe

I have been having a bad week. I have had 2 sick kiddos. We are all locked in the house until yesterday when the 4x4 came home. The winter weather has had my 1/2 ton, bald tired pick up stuck at the house for four days. For some reason being alone with the kids for that long makes it very hard on me because the mess multiples insanely. The Teen managed to clean up the house while the boys were sick and Honey and I went to get the other car so she could have a friend over.

I got to have a long time with Honey on the 90min drive there and back. He wanted me to know that he loves me very much and I am the center of his and the kids' world. The thing that took my off guard was the simple statement, "Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world. You won't get the appreciation or respect you absolutely deserve. Did you appreciate your mom? Did you tell her thank you every time she did things for you? I know I did not appreciate my mom and tell her thank you nearly as often as I should have."

Ok, I know that I did not appreciate my parents. I also know that as a child I did not see all the things they did for me or my brothers. A lot of what parents do for the family is never seen by anyone. All the long talks that go into how to punish, or how to make life better for the kids. I know that I have been involved in many sacrifices on behalf of the kids that they never see. I do them because I love my family but if they don't see the process that leads to what ever, then how can I get my feelings hurt when I ask for help and they don't respond. If I go without something so the kids can go to the football game on Friday then I can't expect total cooperation on Saturday when I ask for help with the dishes. To my children the two things are completely separate.

So the question becomes, "Can I be the completely unappreciated Mother I need to be to raise healthy, happy, productive children?"

This thought provoking conversation has brought on very hard questions. How do I manage my personal issues and still be a mother? Can I be totally invisible and be the bad guy. Make the kids learn the lessons they need to learn but they would rather die than learn "that?" Can I be that person? Can I find my joy in doing the right thing without recognition? Why do I need the recognition? Why do I look to my children for validation of my life?

I guess I need to come up with a plan that involves me doing what I have to do No Matter What. I need to take mommy time outs and I can fall apart when I am alone after bedtime. I need to relearn how to live in my life. I need to learn how to be here and not make everyone around me miserable. Figuring out a plan has got to be priority. Changing our lives will have to start with me. I will keep you updated as to how that goes. Because I am not really sure how this will play out.